Course Correction Studio

Category: Deliberation

  • Deliberation – Chapter 5. A Brand New Day

    Dani opened her eyes to find that she was still in her bedroom in Indiana, but it was daylight out. She was confused for a moment because that change appeared to be the only difference, at first glance. She realized there were more when she felt the familiar nuzzle of a warm, fuzzy face on her neck.

    “Goodmorning, gorgeous,” the hairy individual whispered into her ear.

    Dani looked over her shoulder, up into the blue eyes of Will Riker. He kissed her before she had a chance to say anything. He parted from her, rising from the bed and walking across the bedroom and into the bathroom.

    Dani sat up in the bed, trying to gather her thoughts. Her head spun momentarily as if she’d sat up too fast. A flash caught the corner of her eye. She looked, and Q was beside her on the bed.

    “I know you probably have a lot of questions,” he began. “So, I’m going to give you a brief run-down of your life. You and Captain Riker are married. You’ve been married for ten years. Riker is in command of a ship called the Titan.”

    “The Titan?” Dani repeated. “What about the Enterprise?”

    “Didn’t work out that way,” Q said. “But nevermind that. What’s important is that you aren’t in Starfleet anymore.”

    “What? Why not?”

    “You left shortly after your daughter was born,” Q informed her. Even as the words left his mouth, Dani was inundated with a flood of memories she’d never had before. She suddenly had memories of a life that she didn’t know she’d lived.

    Q continued on. “You didn’t want your daughter to grow up like you did, with your parents always being away and you being passed around from ship to ship. You wanted her to have a stable family so you resigned your commission to take care of your daughter seven years ago, after she was born. You never rose above the rank of Lieutenant Commander.”

    Dani drew her legs, obscured by the bedsheets, up to her chest. “Since you’re telling me all this, what’s the point of my being here?”

    “To see just how happy you’d truly be if you married Will Riker,” Q told her.

    “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” The calls were accompanied by the sound of little feet running toward the bedroom.

    Dani looked to Q for guidance, but he offered none. “Mommy … ” he mocked in a sing-song voice before disappearing.

    “Q – wait!” Dani whispered desperately.

    Will called from the bathroom, “Is that my little Kris running like that?”

    Suddenly, the little footfalls stopped, and the bedroom door creaked open. A head of brown, disheveled hair appeared in the crack between the door and the wall. Big blue eyes peered out from behind dark, overgrown bangs.

    “Kristiana.” Riker appeared in the bathroom doorway, his bathrobe wrapped about him. He looked down at his daughter with a firm expression “What have we told you about running in the house?”

    “Sorry,” the little girl said sullenly.

    “We just don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself, sweetheart,” Riker said. The sterness of his face softened as he walked over and sat on the bed beside Dani. He patted the space in front of them on the bed, inviting Kris over. She bounced into the room and hopped up onto the bed in front of her parents.

    Kristianna Riker was a seven-year old little angel with long, dark hair and big, expressive eyes.

    “How did you sleep last night, sweetheart?” Will asked her. “Did you have good dreams?” Kris nodded enthusiastically. “Are you ready for a fun day at school?”

    “Yeah!” Kris cheered. She crawled into her father’s lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek. Then she migrated over to Dani, delivering a hug and a kiss to her mother as well.

    Dani held the little girl and smiled at her. This didn’t seem like such a bad life. How could it be? She was married to Will, and they had a beautiful young daughter together. She looked at Will and smiled. She wasn’t in Starfleet, but was that really such a devastating thing?

    xxx

    “Kris, make sure you replicate something healthy for lunch today,” Will instructed, placing the last of his PADDs into his slim briefcase. “That means no ice cream sundaes, brownies, or cakes.”

    “What about candy?” Kris asked hopefully.

    Riker looked down at his daughter and shook his head, indicating that candy wasn’t allowed on the menu, either. “But if you’re good at school today, we’ll go out for ice cream when I get home from work.”

    Kris’s face lit up. “Ooh, can we, can we, can we?”

    “Only if you’re good,” Will reminded her.

    “I will be, I promise!” Kris vowed.

    “We’ll see,” Will said. “Say goodbye to your mother.”

    Dani crouched so that Kris could hug her. They kissed each other on the cheek. “You have a good day at school today, okay?” Dani said. “I’ll be there to pick you up at the end of the day.”

    “Okay, Mommy,” Kris said. “I love you.”

    Dani gazed at Kris, still amazed that the girl was actually hers. “I love you, too, my little girl. Be good so we can go get ice cream.” Kris nodded enthusiastically.

    Dani stood and looked up at Will. “And you be good, too,” she told him.

    “Yes, ma’am,” Will said, a smile coming to his face. He wrapped his arms around Dani, pulled her to him, and planted a kiss firmly on her lips. “I’ll see you tonight,” he told her.

    “Alright.” Dani and Will parted.

    “Come on, Kris,” Will said. “We don’t want to be late.” He and Kris left the house for the transport that was waiting in front of the house. Dani waved goodbye to them as they took off and left the area.

    xxx

    “Dani – I’m home!”

    Will Riker stepped through the front door after returning home from San Francisco. He’d spent part of the day on the Titan, now in orbit around Earth, and the other part in San Francisco. Now, it was fifteen minutes before 1800 hours, and he was finally home.

    At the sound of her father’s arrival, Kris came running excitedly from the kitchen, her hair flying behind her. “Daddy!”

    Will reached down and scooped Kris up into his arms, showering her with kisses. “My little girl! Were you good today?”

    “Yes, I was.”

    Dani appeared in the kitchen doorway, a dishtowel in her hands. Will looked to her for the final verdict. “What about it, Mom – did you get a good report from Mrs. Winters today?”

    “Yes. A very good one, as a matter of fact,” Dani replied. She walked over and joined her little family by the front door. She reached up and smoothed Kris’s wild hair. “Our little angel was very well-behaved today. Mrs. Winters says she didn’t hear one peep out of her.”

    Kris looked from her mother to her father. “See? I was on my best behavior.”

    “I see. A vast improvement over last week,” Will praised. “Looks like we’ll be going out for ice cream later.”

    “Yay!” Kris cheered as she was lowered to the floor.

    “Go wash up for dinner,” Dani instructed. She and Will watched Kris practically skip into the kitchen. Then they turned to each other and wrapped themselves around one another as Will’s lips gratefully found Dani’s . “How was your day?” she asked him.

    “It certainly wasn’t the easiest day on record,” Will told her.

    “How are the upgrades coming?” Dani asked.

    “My people keep running into all kinds of problems,” Will answered. “It’s just one headache after another.”

    “Maybe I can help those headaches go away … “

    “I do hope so,” Will said, pushing the worries of the day out of his mind.

    xxx

    Will hoisted Kris into the air and onto his shoulders. They walked with Dani along San Francisco’s bustling Fisherman’s Wharf district.

    “Did you enjoy your ice cream, Kris?” Will asked

    “Yes, I enjoyed it very much, Daddy,” Kris said politely.

    “Anything for my girls,” Will said, smiling at Dani. “My job is to keep you and your mother happy. Are you happy?”

    “Yes,” Kris answered.

    “Are you happy?” Will asked Dani.

    “Very,” Dani replied.

    The family came to a couple of ensigns who promptly greeted Riker. “Goodevening, Captain,” they said, almost simultaneously.

    “Goodevening,” Will replied. He continued to walk with Kris on his shoulders and Dani at his side.

    “Daddy?” Kris said.

    “Yes, sweetheart?”

    “When I grow up, I want to join Starfleet,” Kris proclaimed. “And I want to be a captain one day, just like you.”

    “Well, sweetheart, you can grow up to be anything you want,” Will espoused. “As long as you put your mind to it, and work hard, you can do whatever you want.”

    Dani watched the interaction with a smile. Kris reminded her so much of herself at that age. She remembered having a similar interaction with her own father when she was a little girl. Chakotay had told her that she could be what she wanted, too, and she’d been on her way. But she’d made a choice, hadn’t she? She looked up at Kris and smiled.

  • Deliberation – Chapter 4. Oh How the Years Go By

    Dani’s days on Cardassia IV passed, and before long they turned into months. And those months turned into years. Life settled into a normal routine, one which Rubula was constantly trying to disrupt. Dukat would spend the week on Cardassia Prime, working, and leave for Four after work on Friday afternoons. He spent the weekends with Dani and Nate. In the meantime, Rubula did everything she could to get Dukat’s attention and keep him at home. She cooked for him. She pretended to take great interest in his work. She tried to be affectionate toward him. She even resorted to walking around the house nude. But it was all to no avail. Dukat successfully ignored Rubula. His heart remained with Dani.

    Soon, six years had passed since Dani had relocated to Cardassia IV. Despite the initial difficulty surrounding the transition, Dani had become accustomed to her lifestyle. She was used to the idea of Dukat being married to another woman and had become used to only seeing him on weekends. The knowledge that she was enduring this so that she and Dukat could be married was what kept her hanging on. She had settled into a comfortable routine with Rowat, Melba, and Nate, which was why she was so surprised when that routine was successfully disrupted one night when Rubula Dukat showed up on Dani’s doorstep.

    Dani opened the door and stared into the blue eyes of Rubula Dukat. Dani recognized her face from the news vids.

    Rubula knew that the woman who answered the door must be Janeway. What other Terran would be living in a house on Four? She studied the woman. The Terran wasn’t any younger than she, and she certainly wasn’t prettier, by Cardassian standards. Honestly, at first glance, Rubula couldn’t see any reason why Dukat had preferred this creature over her all these years.

    “Can I help you?” Dani asked, erring on the side of caution by asking the question.

    “Yes,” Rubula said. “You’re Lt. Janeway, I presume?”

    “That’s right. And you’re Rubula Dukat.” Saying the woman’s name with Dukat’s left a bitter taste in Dani’s mouth.

    Rubula nodded slightly. “May I come in?”

    “Yes, please,” Dani said, having momentarily forgotten her manners by letting the other woman remain on the porch for so long. She stepped to the side so that the other woman could enter. Dani shut the door behind her. “I wasn’t expecting any company,” Dani told the woman, leading her to the living room.

    “At any rate, you probably weren’t expecting me,” Rubula said. “I can’t say I know what I’m doing here, either.”

    “Have a seat,” Dani said politely. She watched as Rubula perched herself on the edge of the sofa. Dani remained standing for the moment. “Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”

    “No, thank you,” Rubula said.

    Dani nodded. She took a seat in one of the chairs facing the couch, not really knowing what else she should do in such an awkward situation.

    “You have a nice home,” Rubula complimented superficially.

    Dani had spent enough time with Cardassians to pick up on how hollow the statement had been. “Thank you,” she said. She studied the woman sitting across from her. She was a real class act, a Cardassian socialite in the truest sense, probably from a very wealthy, very influential family. She was beautiful, of course, and was dressed impeccably. The one thing that surprised Dani most about Rubula’s appearance was that the woman didn’t wear her hair in one of the elaborate styles that most Cardassian females often favored. Instead, her long, straight, dark hair was pulled back into a simple low ponytail.

    Rubula’s eyes, after initially surveying the room, fell on the mantle above the fireplace in front of her. An array of photographs decorated the shelf. One was of two older Starfleet officers, a woman and a man, whom Rubula assumed to be Janeway’s parents. They had to be. Janeway looked just like both of them. The next picture was of Janeway with Dukat, and then a few pictures of Janeway alone and a few of Dukat alone. Finally, her eyes led her to a family portrait – a photo of Janeway, Dukat … and their young son.

    The picture made Rubula cringe. Her eyes lowered to the floor. Dukat had truly looked happy in all those photographs on the mantle. It wasn’t anything like the Dukat she knew; he’d never greeted her with the face he presented in those pictures.

    Dani watched Rubula, concern and apprehension rising within her. Rubula, her eyes downcast, looked positively depressed. “Are you all right?” Dani asked, slowly standing, preparing to walk over to Rubula.

    “No, I am not!” Rubula snapped. Anger, frustration, and despair welled up inside her all at once. “I am not all right.” She looked up at Dani with tear-rimmed eyes. “I don’t understand.”

    Dani shook her head, not following the course of the conversation. “Don’t understand what?” She took a few tentative steps toward Rubula.

    “I don’t understand why he wants you and not me,” Rubula revealed. “It’s as if I don’t even exist to him. Explain it to me. Please. What is it that you’re doing that I’m not?”

    Dani understood the reason for the visit now, but what was she supposed to tell this woman? The truth? That Dukat’s marriage to her was purely a political move? “We have a history together,” she said.

    Rowat entered the room, catching both Rubula’s and Dani’s attention. Both of them stood “Is everything all right?” Rowat asked. “I thought I heard something.”

    “Everything’s fine, Rowat,” Dani assured him.

    Rowat nodded and looked from Dani to the visitor in front of the couch. He froze upon realizing who was standing there. It was Dukat’s wife. What the hell was she doing here?

    Before Rowat could ask, a little boy broke into the room from behind Rowat, running at full speed in Dani’s direction. He put on the brakes upon reaching her and gazed up at his mother. “Mom, I want to stay up for a little while longer, but Melba and Rowat say I have to go to bed now,” the little boy complained.

    “Nathan Janeway, where are your manners?” Dani gently chided. “Say hello to our guest.”

    “Sorry,” the boy apologized. He turned dutifully to Rubula and looked up at her. “Hello. Pleased to meet you.”

    “Nathan, this is Rubula,” Dani said. “She’s a friend of your father’s.”

    Rubula laughed internally at the assertion. She and Dukat were married, but she would hardly call their relationship friendly. That was part of the problem. They were more like passing acquaintances than husband and wife.

    Dani looked at Rubula and kneeled beside Nate. “This is my son,” she introduced.

    Rubula looked down at the pair. The resemblance between them was unmistakable, most clearly in the dark eyes that they both shared. She’d always tried to deny to herself the probability that the child had anything to do with Dukat, but seeing him in person, Rubula could see that the child was clearly her husband’s. The little boy was a spitting image of her husband, save for the brown eyes and less pronounced ridges.

    Dani turned to Nate. “Honey, why don’t you go to your room and we’ll talk about your bedtime when I’m done in here, okay?” Nate nodded. “Good boy.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be there in a little while.”

    “Okay,” Nate said. He left the room. Rowat followed, flashing a final puzzled look to Dani, who stood and turned to Rubula.

    “You asked what it was about me,” Dani began, resuming their conversation. “I told you we have a history. We also have a son.”

    “He’s a beautiful child,” Rubula said, giving another hollow compliment. The negative feelings that had pervaded her earlier gave way to triumph as she began to unload to Janeway her real reason for coming to see her. “I feel, however, that you should know that Dukat – Marac – and I also share a child.” She never called him Marac at home, but Janeway didn’t have to know that. She watched the other woman and relished in the way the color seemed to drain from her smooth face all at once.

    “What?” was all that Dani could manage to say.

    “We will share a child, anyway,” Rubula continued, a small smile coming to her lips. “I’m going to have his child.”

    Dani felt like she’d been sucker-punched. She stumbled backwards until she found her chair. Another earth-shattering surprise, but how? She’d read the news and watched the vids religiously. An impending pregnancy hadn’t been anywhere on the radar. And Dukat hadn’t told her – again.

    xxx

    Dukat was actually curious about where Rubula was. He didn’t care, one way or the other, whether she had taken on a lover. In fact, if that were the case, he’d look at it as a blessing. But he knew that it was unusual for her to be out so late. Usually at this hour, she was trying to lure him into her bedroom.

    When she walked into the house, he inquired as to her whereabouts. Rubula answered him casually, “I went to visit Lt. Janeway.”

    Dukat’s face momentarily went pale. Then, he became angry. His life with Danielle and his life on Prime were two worlds that were never supposed to intersect. “Why?” he demanded.

    “I was curious about the woman you spend so much of your time with,” Rubula replied. “I’d never met her before.”

    That was how it was supposed to be, Dukat thought bitterly. “It’s none of your concern, Rubula,” Dukat said harshly. “You shouldn’t have gone.”

    “I met your son,” Rubula continued. “I told Janeway that he would soon have a brother.”

    Dukat thought his ears must be failing him. He began to step towards Rubula. “You what?” he hissed.

    “I told her we were going to have a child together.” To her credit, Rubula stood her ground.

    “Why did you tell her that?” Dukat asked, his tone grave. “You had no business over there.”

    Rubula got mad right back at him. “You are not her husband. You’re mine. You should be spending your time with me, not her.”

    “It was not your place to tell her,” Dukat persisted angrily. “I wanted to break it to her gently.”

    Rubula threw up her hands in frustration. “Why don’t you just send that woman back to the Federation? I refuse to have her breaking up my family. I want my child to have full-time, not part-time, access to his father.”

    Dukat’s voice dropped to an ominous tone. “She isn’t the one who’s breaking up a family,” he said. “Now get out of my sight right now. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear you. I don’t want to know you.”

    For any other marriage, the utterance of those words would have signaled the end. But even as Dukat stormed to his room, contemplating his next course of action, he knew that Rubula was going nowhere. Because she was greedy, and power-hungry, and despite all her temper tantrums about him not being home enough, about him not spending enough time with her, she would stay because of the lifestyle that her union with him afforded her. She would stay because of the power she had over other people. She would stay because of the power she wanted, but didn’t yet have, over Dukat.

    xxx

    Dukat was at the house on Cardassia IV the next day even though it was a weekday. Unlike previous instances, there were no smiling faces to greet him at the door.

    “You did it again. I can’t believe you did it again.” Dani’s anger was apparent, but her voice wasn’t raised. “Why? I thought we agreed that we would talk about these things. What’s more, I thought you said this marriage was only a political thing. How the hell did she end up pregnant?”

    “It’s … difficult to explain,” Dukat struggled, the bedroom door sliding shut behind him. “It’s a way for me to improve my chances of getting into office.”

    “Office?” Dani slowly shook her head. “I can’t believe you. I can’t believe what you’re saying. You would say anything, do anything, use anyone, to get ahead.”

    “No, Danielle,” Dukat protested. “I’m doing this for you. For Nate. For all of us. Can’t you see that?”

    “You only care about yourself and getting what you want,” Dani asserted tearfully. “And you don’t give a damn who you hurt to get it.”

    “Danielle – I love you.”

    “No, you don’t. You can’t. You’ve been saying that for years, but I’m still out here, on this planet, with your son. If you loved me, we wouldn’t be out here. We would all leave together. Leave Cardassia.”

    “You know I can’t do that. I can’t just pick up and leave.”

    “And that’s the problem! If you really loved me as much as you claimed, you wouldn’t care about it. You wouldn’t care about anything but us.” Dani looked up at the ceiling with new understanding. “I just don’t know why I couldn’t see it before.”

    “Danielle, my love, you and Nathan are everything to me,” Dukat insisted. “You’re all that I have. Things will change. They will.”

    “They’re just words, Marac. Just words.”

    “They are not just words; they’re my feelings!” Dukat cried.

    “Well, your feelings aren’t enough!” Dani was thankful that Nate was out with Melba. She would have hated for the little boy to have heard his parents shouting at each other. “You haven’t done a thing to prove your feelings.”

    “I’m doing everything! Everything I’m doing, everything I have done in the past six years, has been for you and Nate. Why can’t you see that?”

    “I don’t wanna listen to this anymore. I’m tired of it. Fucking tired of it. Just get out! Leave me alone!”

    Dukat didn’t say another word. There was nothing to be said. Not right now, anyway. He’d just let her cool off. Yes, that was what she needed. It was what she always needed – a little time to cool off. Damn Rubula for causing this mess in the first place. Damn her! Dukat left the house and Cardassia IV with little external protest.

    After Dukat stormed past him on his way out of the house, Rowat hurried upstairs and found Janeway sitting on the bed, her head in her hands. Her small frame shook with the sobs that wracked her body. Rowat was at a loss, but instinct told him to walk over to the bed and sit beside her, so he did. He put his arms around her and she leaned into him, weeping freely.

    xxx

    Rowat was the first to awake. It took him a few moments to remember where he was, but then he did, and the events of the day came flooding back into his mind. The fight Janeway had had with Dukat. The crying. And then the calm. The two of them with Nate had spent the evening in front of the vid-screen in the rec lounge watching one of those old Earth films that Janeway liked so much. Something called ‘War Between the Stars’ or something to that effect. It’d had lots of fighting and action, and Nate had been completely enthralled by it, which hadn’t exactly been the case with his mother. A glance over at her every now and then told Rowat that she watched the screen, but there had been such an absent expression in her eyes that he doubted that her mind registered what was happening.

    By now the film had ended, and the screen displayed a serene image of a fire flickering in a fireplace. Rowat glanced at the chronometer on the wall above the vid-screen. It was a little after 2400 hours. His eyes fell to a small figure on the floor in front of the screen. Nate. He was sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming about fighting evil generals with light swords, themes that had been widely featured in that movie.

    Rowat began to adjust his position on the sofa, which caused Janeway to stir beside him. Only then did he realize that she was curled up against him and that his arm was around her. She sat up slowly, groggily, looking around. Her eyes landed on Nate and then on Rowat, whom she could tell had just awakened as well.

    “Wow,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to go to sleep on the movie.”

    “Me either,” Rowat whispered back.

    “I guess we’d better get him to bed,” Dani said nodding to Nate. She and Rowat stood. Rowat walked over to the sleeping boy, knelt beside him, and picked him up. Nate only stirred slightly, not even waking up fully, as Rowat stood with him. Dani follwed them up the stairs and into Nate’s bedroom, where Rowat gently placed the boy in the bed, taking care to tuck him in. The door slid shut behind him as he walked out and joined Dani in the hallway.

    “Ten years ago, I never thought this was where’d I’d be in life,” Dani said walking beside Rowat. “I never thought I’d be someone’s mistress, being strung along like some little dog.” The two of them walked into her bedroom. “How did this happen?”

    “Things just spun out of control, I suppose,” Rowat offered.

    “Yeah.” Dani walked over to the window and looked out at the sweeping view of the lake with the endless fall. “I just … I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life on this rock waiting for him. But I guess I don’t have any choice, do I? There’s no way out, now. I’ll be stuck, because he’ll never leave her, not if she has his child.”

    Rowat took a few steps toward her. “You don’t have to stay,” he said. “You can leave.”

    “I know.” She turned and walked over to him. “I would, and I’ve seriously thought about it … but I don’t want Nate to grow up without his father, and I couldn’t just leave him here.”

    Rowat could see that the subject was distressing to her, and that was the last thing he wanted. “Let’s not think about it right now,” he said. “I’m sorry for even bringing it up. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

    “You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Dani said. “You’ve been the one constant in all of this, and don’t think I don’t appreciate it, because I do.” She took his hand. “I don’t know where I would be without you.” Rowat was about to utter his favorite phrase when Dani stopped him. “And don’t you dare say you were just doing your job, because I need to know that you want to be here.”

    “Why is that so important to you?”

    “Because I need you.” Dani looked up into Rowat’s green eyes. “I need you here with me.”

    “You don’t need me.”

    “Yes, I do. I do.” Dani wrapped her arms around Rowat’s torso. Rowat hesitated, but he soon wrapped his arms around her, relishing the sensation of her against him. It was like a dream-come-true to him, for it was something he had fantasized about for years. And for that reason, he didn’t trust himself with her.

    “Dani,” he said. She pulled away and looked up at him. He knew that she knew what she was doing when she reached up and gently stroked his neck ridges. And he let her. In fact, he reciprocated by stroking her dark hair. They found each other’s lips and kissed timidly, each not quite sure if they wanted to venture into such uncharted territory. When neither of them hesitated, their kisses became fuller and were filled with more urgency, and nothing else mattered but the two of them at that moment. The desire, the need for contact – that was what carried them into the night.

    xxx

    Dani didn’t have to wake up because she hadn’t gone to sleep the night before. How could she when she had the overwhelming feeling that she’d just betrayed the father of her child? She looked over at her accomplice in this betrayal and was surprised to find him wide awake, green eyes blinking at her. “Hi,” Dani said softly.

    “Hello,” Rowat said.

    Dani sat up, pulling the bedsheets around her in the process. “I think we’ve made a mistake.” Rowat sat up, surprised by Dani’s declaration, and watched her slide out of the bed.

    “Dani – wait,” Rowat said, but she was already out of bed and halfway across the room. Rowat got out of bed, sheets be damned, and went after her. He caught her gently by the elbow. “Dani, wait,” he repeated.

    “We can’t do this,” she said. “He’s Nate’s father, and he’s still your boss. What have we done? We can’t do this to him.”

    “Do this to him? Look at what he’s done, what he’s doing to you! He’s having a child with another woman, and he didn’t even have the guts to tell you about it.”

    “He was going to,” Dani defended.

    Rowat shook his head. He didn’t understand the sudden change in her. Yesterday, she’d seen so clearly that Dukat wasn’t going to change, that he wasn’t doing right by her. Now, she was back to defending him. “Dani – you deserve so much more. You’re too good for him.”

    “I love him,” Dani said.

    “I love you,” Rowat blurted. He hadn’t meant to say it, but he might as well have; it was true. He took a step toward her, moving to close the small gap between them. “We could leave here. We could go back to the Federation, we could go anywhere you want.”

    “Daril … ” Dani began to protest. She’d known his given name since they’d first met years before, but in all these years, the night they had just spent together had been the first time that she had called him by that name.

    “It could just be the three of us, together,” Rowat insisted.

    “Daril, he’s Nate’s father. I can’t just take that away from him.”

    “I’ll be his father. I’m more of a father to him now than Dukat is anyway. I always have been. And don’t try to tell me differently, because you know what I’m saying is true. I love Nate. As if he were my very own. I was there when he was born. I’ve been there to comfort him when he’s fallen and scraped his knee, when he’s been sick. I’ve tucked him in at night and told him his bedtime stories. I was there for his first words, his first steps. Every day of his life, I’ve been there for that boy. Not just on weekends and special occasions.” Rowat stopped and took a moment. Then: “I’m thinking about him in all this, too. What are you going to do? Keep him on this planet forever? What about schools? Friends? Yes, Dukat could continue to hire a private tutor to take care of his educational needs, but what about his social needs? He needs to be with other children. He can’t do that here where there are no other children for miles around.”

    His fingers found Dani’s face, where they stroked gently. “Dani, I just want what’s best for the two of you,” he said. “And I can’t believe that living out your life on this rock is that. Come away with me. We’ll start a new life. We’ll give Nate what he deserves.”

    xxx

    Dukat didn’t know what to think when he saw that he was receiving an incoming message from Danielle. It had been only a few days, but he hoped that had been long enough for her to calm down. It must be if she were calling him. He accessed the transmission and Dani’s face filled his terminal screen. “Danielle,” he greeted.

    “Hello, Marac,” Dani said. “I think there’s a lot that we should talk about.”

    “Yes, it appears so, doesn’t it?” Dukat agreed.

    “When can you be back on Four?” Dani asked.

    “Well, I have a long list of engagements for today,” Dukat began. “I can be on Four in two days.”

    Dani nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you then.” She cut the transmission from her end.

    Dukat regarded the blank screen with curiosity. Dani hadn’t appeared to be angry any longer, however her demeanor toward him had seemed cold and distant. It troubled him.

    xxx

    It was early when Dukat arrived on Cardassia IV two days later. He hadn’t expected anyone to be awake, yet, and was suprised to find that both Rowat and his beloved were both very much awake. When he walked through the front door and entered the den, they were both there, apparently waiting on him. He took it as a good sign. At least Danielle was willing to see him. The last time he’d been there, neither of them had had the most enjoyable experience.

    Dani stood when Dukat entered. She was so nervous, she could barely see straight. Rowat moved to a spot a little ways behind her.

    “My love,” Dukat said, walking over to Dani, as if everything were fine. He took her hands into his and kissed her. “We have much to discuss.”

    “Yes, I know,” Dani said, nodding.

    Dukat’s eyes slid over to Rowat. There was no need to say it; he wanted to be alone with Danielle. But Rowat didn’t move. He was still has granite. Dukat sighed, losing his patience. “Rowat, could you be so kind as to give us some privacy, please?”

    “I want him to stay,” Dani said.

    Dukat looked perplexed. “My dear, I hardly think his presence is appropriate or necessary for the matters that we need to discuss.”

    “No,” Dani countered. “It is.” She pulled her hands from Dukat’s grip. Then she looked at Rowat, and Dukat could have sworn he saw something pass between them.

    His brows knitted, confusion evident on his face. “Danielle – what is going on here?”

    Dani closed her eyes, trying to muster strength. Before she could speak, Rowat did. “She’s leaving,” he said.

    Dukat looked at his subordinate, his eyes squinting as if he were having difficulty hearing. “I beg your pardon?”

    Rowat stepped forward. “She’s leaving. She’s leaving Cardassia IV. And she’s leaving you.”

    Dukat didn’t know what to think at first. Ah, but it must be some kind of game, a joke maybe. A smile formed across his lips and he began to chuckle. “I get it,” he said, looking around at all in the room. “This is a practical joke. You’re teasing. You almost had me for a moment. Very clever.” He saw Dani look to the ground. Why was she so sad? The smile left his face.

    “It isn’t a joke, Marac,” Dani said.

    Dukat looked back and forth between Rowat and Dani. “You can’t possibly mean that-that you’re telling the truth?” he sputtered. The look that he read on her face told him the answer. “Now, wait – wait. Let’s all just calm down, here, okay?”

    “I am calm, Marac,” Dani said. “We’re leaving.”

    “We?”

    Rowat spoke up for a second time. “I’m going with her.”

    Dukat looked from Rowat to Dani in genuine disbelief. “You’re leaving with him?”

    “Marac, I can’t stay here any longer,” Dani began to explain. “I can’t wait on you to create the perfect scenario. I’ve been waiting for six years, and I can’t do it anymore.”

    “Danielle, I just need a little more time-“

    “Well, I can’t give it!” Dani exploded.

    “So, you’re just going to leave?” Dukat’s eyes flitted to Rowat and then back to Dani and was struck with a suddent realization. “Great guls … you’ve gone to bed with him, haven’t you?”

    Dani’s eyes fell to the floor. “Marac … “

    “Fine,” Dukat said, his voice dripping with hurt and disgust. “Leave, if you wish. I won’t stop either one of you. But my son stays with me.”

    “What?” Dani said with rising alarm.

    “You can’t expect me to simply let you walk away with my son, never to see him again,” Dukat said.

    Dani began to protest. “Marac, he’s my son, too.”

    “I’m well aware of that,” Dukat said. “But I’m not the one who wants to leave. You’re more than welcome to stay. But if you want to leave, Nathan remains here with me.”

    “That isn’t fair, Marac,” Dani said. “You didn’t even want him with you for the first six years of his life. Now, all of a sudden, you’re prepared to take him in and treat him like your son?” Dukat made a move to step around Dani, but she moved with him to block. “Where are you going?” she questioned.

    “Danielle, please don’t make this difficult,” Dukat said.

    “Make what difficult?” Dani asked. “Marac!”

    Dukat commed his transport and two guards who had accompanied to Four entered the house immediately. One of them dutifully moved into place to restrain the increasingly frantic mother while the father moved past her with ease, en route to his son’s bedroom. The remaining guard leveled a phaser at Rowat in case he decided he wanted to try to act like a hero. A few seconds later, Dukat returned with a drowsy Nate in his arms.

    “Here we go, son,” he said lightly. “You’re going on a little trip with Daddy.”

    “Marac, please – don’t do this,” Dani pleaded, tearfully. “If you want me to beg, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything, but please don’t take my son.”

    “Say goodbye to Mommy,” Dukat said to the little boy.

    Nate groggily waved to Dani. “Bye, Mommy … “

    “Marac – “

    “Say, goodbye, my dear,” Dukat instructed Dani cheerily.

    Dani looked at her son, her little Nate. She might as well do as Dukat instructed. She didn’t want to upset the young boy. “Bye, bye, sweetie,” she said. “Be good. I love you so much.”

    “I love you, too, Mommy,” Nate said.

    Dani looked from Nate to Dukat. He looked back at her with an ice cold stare that she’d never seen directed at her before, and Dani knew she would never see her son again.

    Once Dukat and Nate were clear of the house, the guards retreated, leaving Dani and Rowat alone in the house.

    Dani couldn’t get any air into her lungs. She fell to her knees, and fresh tears sprung to her eyes. Rowat knelt at her side, wrapping his arms around her.

    “He took my son,” she said, in a dazed state. “He took my son!”

    “We’ll get him back,” Rowat whispered to her. “We will. We’ll get him back.”

    Dani turned. She wrapped her arms around Rowat and buried her head in his chest. “How?”

    Rowat didn’t say anything, because he didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know where to find it. But it couldn’t end here. Not like this.

    Dani closed her eyes and let herself melt into Rowat.

    xxx

    When she opened her eyes, she was alone. And she was back in her house in Indiana. She found herself curled into a kneeling position in the middle of her bedroom floor.

    “It isn’t how you thought it would be, is it?”

    Dani stood and whirled around to face Q. What the hell had just happened to her? She answered his query. “No.” She walked over and wearily sat down on her bed. “So, I guess this means you were right, about me and Marac not being meant to be.”

    “Dani, I know you loved him, and he loved you, too. I know it,” Q said. “But sometimes, a lot of times, love isn’t enough.”

    “I realize that. It sucks, but I do realize that now.” She sat, thinking about all that she had experienced. She knew it couldn’t have been a dream. It couldn’t have. It was all so real … what the hell had it been then? “So, what does this mean? Am I supposed to be with Will, then?”

    Q smiled, which made Dani uncomfortable. “Is that what you think?”

    “Q – wait!” But before Dani could even get the words out of her mouth, Q had snapped his fingers, and her environment had once again changed.

  • Deliberation – Chapter 3. Promises

    Dani sat frozen at the computer monitor absently watching the major event of the day unfold. She didn’t know why she was torturing herself like this, because that’s what it was – torture. There was no reason she had to sit there and watch the man she loved marry another woman. But, all the same, she couldn’t look away. It was all very much like watching an explosion. Dani didn’t want to look, but she couldn’t find it in herself to look away. She couldn’t manage to reach up and deactivate the computer terminal.

    So, Rowat did it for her. When he did, Dani continued to stare at the dark screen blankly, until he spoke.

    “There’s no need for you to watch that,” he said.

    Dani looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. “I know.” She looked up at Rowat. “But I just had to see it for myself, to make sure it was real.”

    Rowat wasn’t surprised by the tears that lingered in her eyes and on her face. He’d expected them. What he hadn’t expected were Dukat’s actions, which had caused Dani’s tears in the first place. How could a man he’d admired for years have done something like this? He’d chosen political gain over the woman he supposedly loved.

    Rowat scolded himself for having such thoughts. He couldn’t be a hypocrite, which is what he was doing. He was guilty of exactly the crime for which he was criticizing Dukat. Yes, he’d chosen his work over his own wife. He could count on his fingers the number of nights he’d spent with his wife in the past year. Why? He’d been with another woman instead, the woman sitting in front of him now.

    “I still don’t know what to think,” Dani said, standing. “After all the time we’ve spent together … He looked so happy, just now.”

    “He’s a good actor,” Rowat said, immediately wishing that he hadn’t. The comment had been meant to comfort, but he realized just how bad it had sounded as soon as the words had left his mouth. “That didn’t come out as I intended,” Rowat said, answering the uncertain look Dani had given him. “I didn’t mean with you.”

    Dani looked away from him and walked sullenly to the bed. “Do you know where they’re honeymooning?” she asked.

    Rowat didn’t want to tell her, but she would find out sooner or later from the news vids. It would probably be better if she found out from him than from the press. “Risa,” he told her.

    Dani nodded. “Oh,” she said meekly.

    Rowat studied her. She looked as if she would break at any moment, and he wasn’t sure if there were anything he could do to prevent it. Maybe letting her get it all out would be best anyway. As far as he knew, she hadn’t really had any emotional releases since she’d initially learned of the news of the wedding. She’d been remarkably calm throughout the whole ordeal. For the sake of her emotional health, an outburst was probably warranted.

    “Rowat?” Dani said.

    “Yes?”

    “I want to be alone right now,” Dani told him.

    Rowat didn’t want to leave her alone out of fear of what she might do to herself. He hoped she wasn’t one to take drastic measures, such as ending her own life, but in her present state, he just couldn’t be sure. Nevertheless, he acquiesced to her request for privacy. Nodding, he left her to the room and to herself. Once the door was closed solidly, he heard the muffled sound of soft sobbing, and he decided he wouldn’t stray too far from her bedroom until he knew with certainty that she would be alright.

    Xxx

    Dukat downed another glass of kanar in a few large gulps. He’d never been one to guzzle kanar as if it were the common beer, but tonight was different. His usual way was to savor the experience, the flavor, the sensation of the beverage. Tonight, though, his only aim was inebriation. He was nearly finished with the bottle. He looked at it and, seeing enough for just half a glass, decided that he was drunk enough to go through with this.

    “Oh, Marac … ” Rubula Dukat called from the bedroom.

    Dukat glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the bedroom and then back down at the near empty bottle of kanar. He sighed and picked up the bottle, connecting its mouth with his and turning it up. Only when he was certain that every drop of the liquid in the bottle had passed through his lips and down his throat did he separate himself from the bottle and set it back on the table. “Coming,” he finally called to the bedroom before quietly adding, “My dear,” to end it. He stood and stumbled into the bedroom.

    The new Mrs. Dukat was waiting for him, lounging across the bed invitingly. She couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky she was to have snagged the man standing in front of her. And the others had said he was as good as ‘taken’. She should have known that Dukat had only been using that Terran whore. ‘He’s really in love with me,’ Rubula thought, smiling seductively and doing her best to appear appealing to Dukat. She suspected she didn’t have to do much more than what she was doing at the moment. She was nude, after all. What was more irresistable to a man than a woman’s naked body?

    Dukat stood at the foot of the bed, staring for a long moment. It was true that Rubula was quite fetching, but actually, the sight of her made him sick to his stomach. She wasn’t Dani. He closed his eyes, wishing the kanar would hurry up and get to his head. He should’ve opened up another bottle. He feared that he wasn’t going to be able to get the job done because he didn’t feel like he was drunk enough yet.

    Finally, he opened his eyes and walked over to the bed, nearly tripping over his feet a few times. He unceremoniously pulled down his pants, not even bothering to remove them completely. He just left them around his ankles. He closed his eyes. This was going to be the first time he’d ever had to will himself into a state of excitement.

    ‘It’s Danielle,’ he told himself. ‘It’s Danielle on the bed.’ An image of Dani materialized in Dukat’s head, and in his mind’s eye, he could see her, on the bed in place of Rubula. He could see her.

    Rubula smiled eagerly at the sight of Dukat’s evolving state. If only that Starfleet Terran could see her now, about to consumate her marriage to the next leader of the Cardassia. Rubula could imagine the woman now, in some shack or some slum with her bastared child who Rubula was sure did not belong to Dukat. It probably belonged to that guard who was always hanging around her. Where was her guard and her fancy lifestyle now? Rubula chuckled to herself, thinking that she had Janeway’s lifestyle now. She congratulated herself on her little witticism. The fact that her good fortune had come at Danielle Janeway’s expense was going to make what she was about to do so much sweeter.

    Dukat fell into the bed and crawled to Rubula. He didn’t bother with kissing; he wanted this to be over with as quickly as possible. His face was buried in the pillow beneath Rubula’s head, and he kept his eyes closed. If he could just keep his mind on Dani, he would get through it.

    Rubula was used to receiving a little more attention and affection from her partners, but she attributed Dukat’s lack of such to personal style. Maybe he just wasn’t the affectionate type. That would change, Rublua concluded.

    After a little while, a sound besides periodic grunts escaped Dukat’s lips. He moaned. ‘Now we’re getting somewhere,’ Rubula thought.

    “Oh, Danielle!” Dukat cried out. “Oh … oh … ” Breathing heavily, he rolled on to his back, leaving an appalled Rubula on her back. Had he just called out ‘Danielle’, she wondered. She knew the answer was yes, but she couldn’t believe it. She sat up and looked down at him.

    “Marac?!” she exclaimed.

    In response, Dukat groaned and rolled over onto his side, away from Rubula.

    Xxx

    Dukat stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. His head was pounding. All he really wanted to do was crawl back into bed. But no, he couldn’t do that, now could he? He had to go be seen with the new wife for photo ops. Dukat scowled at the very idea.

    He sighed and looked down at the sink. What was his life supposed to be now? What the hell had he done? Marrying this … leech in exchange for a better chance at being leader of Cardassia …

    How could he do this to her, the woman who had given him a child just six months ago?

    Dukat closed his eyes. He was going to have to get something for this headache. When he opened his eyes again, his thoughts were, again, on Danielle and Nate. This was all for the best, he convinced himself. With him as the head of Cardassia, he wouldn’t have anyone to answer to. He could get rid of Rubula, marry Danielle, and raise Nate in a real family setting. Hopefully with Nate, Dukat could avoid making the mistakes he’d made with Ziyal. It was that goal that was going to keep him going, Dukat decided. This was for them.

    Dukat walked out onto the balcony where Rubula was. She was already at the table enjoying breakfast. Dukat took the seat opposite her and looked out at the view from their suite. It was beautiful. He only wished he weren’t sharing it with Rubula. He looked ruefully over at her.

    She, in turn, looked over at him with a smile. “Goodmorning, Marac,” she said.

    “Goodmorning,” Dukat said, managing a weak smile of his own. He resolved to at least be cordial with the woman. She was innocent in all this, after all. The only reason she was here at all was because it had been convenient. He wondered whether she was even aware of that fact or not.

    When a server moved to place breakfast on the table for him, Dukat waved it away. The last thing he wanted to do was eat. Going to bed on a stomach full of kanar had not been a good idea.

    “Is something wrong?” Rubula asked, observing Dukat’s behavior.

    “I don’t have much of an appetite this morning,” Dukat told her.

    “Are you well?”

    Dukat looked at her for a moment before answering. No, he wasn’t well, not emotionally. But he insisted to her that he was, anyway. “I’m fine.”

    “Good.” Rubula appeared to turn her attention back to her breakfast. She took a sip of her hot fish juice and then spoke again. “I thought the problem might have been all that kanar you had last night.” She gave a dismissive laugh. “You were quite tipsy, believe me. Did you know that you even called out somone else’s name last night? What a thought … ” Rubula didn’t want to let on that the incident had bothered her as much as it had. She hardly even wanted to acknowledge that she had noticed it. ‘He was drunk,’ Rubula told herself. ‘That’s all it was. Too much kanar.’

    Dukat couldn’t take it anymore. He had to get away from this woman. He couldn’t stomach the thought of spending a whole week with Rubula. He stood.

    Rubula looked up at him, a little surprised. “What are you doing?” she asked.

    Dukat walked into the bedroom as if he hadn’t heard Rubula’s question. She followed him and watched as he pulled out his suitcase and began tossing his belongings in.

    “Marac,” Rubula said, “where are you going?”

    “Back to Cardassia,” he told her.

    “Cardassia? But this is our honeymoon,” Rubula protested. “Why are you going back there?”

    “I have business to attend to,” Dukat replied.

    “But Marac, I don’t want to leave now,” Rubula whined.

    Dukat shut the suitcase he’d just finished packing. “You may remain. Invite your friends, family, whatever you wish.” He turned to her. “But I must leave.”

    Rubula stared at him, her disbelief plaguing her features. He only afforded her a momentary glance before picking up his case and turning to walk out of the room. Before he could make it to the door, Rubula spoke to him again. “It’s her, isn’t it?” she surmised. “You’re leaving so that you can go see that little Terran whore.”

    Dukat stopped only momentarily before continuing on to the door. “You shouldn’t speak on matters about which you have no knowledge, Rubula,” he said. “I’m leaving because I have things that require my attention, and we’ll leave it at that.” As he approached the doors and they slid open, he turned to Rubula briefly, darting a look of warning in her direction. She should drop the subject before she gets her feelings hurt.

    Xxx

    Dani awoke to sunlight streaming through her window and the sound of birds chirping merrily outside. It was a beautiful morning, but the grim reality of her situation made Dani feel as if it were the gloomiest and dreariest of days. The day before had been the absolute worst day of her life.

    She sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. That’s when she noticed the appetizing aroma of food drifting underneath her nose. She couldn’t pinpoint what was cooking, but it smelled good, whatever it was, and it alerted her to the fact that she was hungry.

    Dani looked at the time on the chronometer at her bedside table and saw that it was a little past 8 a.m. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, stood, and walked out of the room, grabbing her robe on the way.

    She cleared the last of the stairs and walked over to the kitchen. She’d expected to find Melba at the stove, whipping up one of her wonderful meals. Instead, Rowat stood there, donning an apron and wielding a spatula in one hand. It was a sight that Dani had never expected to witness in a million years. She’d never had any inclination that the man even knew what a spatula was. Despite that, it was obvious that Rowat knew what he was doing. The delightful smell that permeated throughout the house was evidence of that.

    “Goodmorning,” Dani said, making her presence known.

    Rowat turned to her, and it took all of Dani’s will to keep from laughing. The sight of a Cardassian officer in full uniform plus an apron was a funny sight. She merely smiled.

    “Goodmorning,” Rowat said.

    Dani took a few steps into the room. “What’s that?” she asked, indicating what was cooking in the skillet.

    “This is just a little something that I decided to prepare,” Rowat said, turning off the stove and picking the skillet up off the eye. What ever was cooking continued to sizzle. “Have a seat.” Rowat, continuously stirring the contents of the skillet, walked over to the breakfast table. Dani sat at the table in front of a plate that had already been set out for her.

    “I didn’t know you cooked,” Dani said. She looked up at Rowat, who now stood beside her chair.

    “Despite what impression most would give, not all of us have maids and cooks,” Rowat explained. He delivered the skillet’s contents onto Dani’s plate where it finally stopped sizzling.

    “It looks kind of like an omelet,” Dani observed.

    “It is … kind of,” Rowat said.

    Dani picked up her fork, then hesitated. “It isn’t spicy, is it?”

    “No,” Rowat assured her. “Try it. I’d like to know what you think.”

    Dani regarded him momentarily before spearing some of the food with her fork. She blew on it a few times to cool it and guided it to her mouth. While she chewed, she looked at Rowat, who anxiously awaited her reaction. Dani nodded and swallowed. “It’s good. It could use a little pepper, though.”

    Rowat snapped his fingers. “I knew there was something I forgot.” He walked over to one of the cabinets and returned with pepper, which he sprinkled over the food. “This was supposed to go in while it was cooking, but now will have to do,” he said. “Try it now.”

    Dani tasted another bite and looked back up at Rowat. “It’s absolutely perfect,” she complimented.

    Rowat almost smiled. “I’m glad you like it.” He walked over to the stove, where he replaced the skillet.

    Dani’s eyes fell to the vase in the middle of the table, and for the first time, she noticed that the flowers that rested there looked different. “Something about this vase has changed,” she noted aloud.

    “It’s the flowers,” Rowat said. “They’re fresh.” He returned to the table with a glass of orange juice, which he placed on the table beside Dani’s plate. He preferred a nice, hot fish juice anyday, but living with Janeway for the past year, the orange Terran drink had grown on him.

    “I saw them outside, and I thought they would look nice in that vase,” Rowat continued, explaining the flowers’ presence. He looked down at Dani. “They brighten the room, don’t you think?” Rowat knew that none of his efforts were going to make Janeway truly happy, but perhaps they might make her day go a little easier.

    Dani looked up at Rowat. “Thank you, Rowat. For everything. For the breakfast, the flowers. I mean it.”

    The Cardassian’s features softened even more, and Dani was sure that she saw a smile, albeit, a small one. “Finish your breakfast,” he said.

    Xxx

    The reflection of the sun on the surface of the lake that comprised the backyard of Dani’s little cottage created a sparkling effect in the orange light of the sunset. It was the same lake that Dani and Dukat had visited what seemed like an eternity ago. In actuality, it had only been a few years. As she looked out now, she could see the ‘endless fall’ on the other side of the lake. The water, as it had the first time she’d seen it, still appeared to fall right through the surface of the lake and continue all the way to the bottom.

    Dani sighed. That time had been a different time, a time when all that had mattered was Dukat and she. Now she would be forced to share him with another woman and the rest of Cardassia. It was just going to be something that she would have to accept. This was the way it was going to be from now on. It had finally sunk in over the last few days.

    But why? Why did she have to accept? Why settle? Hadn’t she learned in her life not to simply settle? Why do it now?

    Because she loved Dukat? No. Sometimes love just wasn’t enough. At least not in this situation. There had to be more to it.

    Maybe it was because of Nate, Dani contemplated. Yes, it was true that she wanted her son to grow up with both a mother and a father, but at what price? Her dignity? No – there was more.

    Perhaps the trial of losing Dukat that first time and watching him die the second time had affected her more deeply than she’d initially thought. Yes. Now she was getting warm. How could she just up and leave after she’d been given an unprecedented third chance? How could she give it up after it had been what she’d most wanted? That was why she allowed herself to settle. That was what made this situation so different that she was willing to live as Dukat’s mistress hidden away on some sparsely populated planet.

    “This view really is quite breath-taking,” Rowat commented, breaking into Dani’s dismal thoughts. His eyes roamed over the water’s glimmering, reflective surface.

    “It is,” Dani replied. “You should bring your wife here some time.”

    Rowat didn’t say anything. He was silent for a long moment. Then quietly, “My wife and I divorced. A few months ago.”

    “Oh,” Dani said. If it had been physically possible for Dani to stuff her size 7 foot into her mouth, she would have at that point. “I’m sorry, Rowat. I didn’t know.”

    “It’s all right. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.” Rowat looked at Dani. “She said I wasn’t home enough, that I was away on the job too much. She was right.”

    Dani looked down at the water. “I guess that means it was my fault, then.”

    Rowat took a moment to consider the statement. He nodded. “Yes – but I don’t regret any of it.”

    Dani looked at him again. Rowat’s wife had been a lucky woman. But then Dani reconsidered; she had been the lucky one.

    Xxx

    The night sky wasn’t the only thing that greeted Dani and Rowat as they returned to the house. To both their surprise, Dukat was the one who opened the door to let them in.

    “Sir?” Rowat said, puzzled.

    “Hello, Rowat,” Dukat said. He shifted his gaze to Dani. “Hello.”

    “Hi,” she said quite forcibly. She didn’t wait for him to move to the side before she entered. She simply pushed past him. Right now, Dukat was one of the last people in the universe that she wanted to see.

    “How have things been?” Dukat asked, moving away from the door and following her to the living room.

    Dani looked at him with disbelief. How did he think things had been?

    “Things are well, sir,” Rowat chimed in, answering for Dani. He couldn’t believe that the man actually had the gall to come here and act as if everything were supposed to be fine.

    “Wonderful,” Dukat said, this time without the exuberance that usually accompanied it. “Rowat, could you give us some privacy, please?”

    “Of course, sir,” Rowat obliged. His eyes momentarily met Dani’s before he left the room.

    “I thought you were on Risa, on your honeymoon?” Dani said to Dukat.

    “I was, briefly,” Dukat said. “But I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there a moment longer.”

    Neither said anything next. They just stood across the room from each other, each one staring at the other, wondering what was going through each other’s minds.

    “Danielle – ” Dukat tried unsuccessfully. Dani started for the stairs

    “What do you want?” Dani asked. She didn’t alter her course at all.

    Dukat followed her. “We need to talk,” he said.”

    “There’s nothing to talk about.” Dani began to climb the stairs.

    “I beg to differ. I think there’s plenty to discuss. I need to explain things to you.” He cleared the stairs after Dani and followed her into the master bedroom.

    “Fine then – talk,” Dani said. She crossed her arms and stood looking out the window. She had been so sure that she’d dealt with her feelings. She thought she’d taken care of it. Apparently, that was not the case.

    Dukat walked over to her and tried to place his hands on her, but she shrugged away forcibly. “Please don’t touch me.”

    Dukat, crestfallen, let his hands fall to his side. “Danielle – I love you.”

    Dani turned to him, exasperated. “I know you do, Marac. Miraculously, I never doubted that throughout this whole ordeal. But this whole set-up makes no sense. You love me, but you’re willing to cast me off to the side while you marry some other woman? I don’t understand. I feel like Nate and I are in exile here, Marac.”

    “Danielle, I don’t like doing this any more than you do. That woman I’m supposed to be married to … ” He lowered his voice before continuing. “I had to drink a full bottle of kanar the other night just to consummate the marriage.”

    Dani threw her hands up. “I don’t want to hear about this.” She stepped around him, intending to walk out.

    “Danielle, I was thinking of you the entire time,” Dukat persisted. “It was the only way I could make it through.”

    “You are not hearing me. I don’t want to hear about your honeymoon night with your new … wife.”

    “If I can get myself elected, become the supreme leader of Cardassia, that means that I’ll be able to do what I want. I can get rid of Rubula and have you and Nate at my side. I’ll be able to marry whomever I wish. But I can’t do that if I’m not married to a Cardassian woman to begin with.” He sighed. “You know how Cardassians are, Danielle. You know our conventions, our values. When the people go to vote on a leader, they want a family man. If I don’t have Rubula, it won’t happen.”

    Dani surprised herself by seeing the logic in what Dukat was saying. She didn’t like it, but it was true. Dukat’s plan was probably the only way the two of them were going to see marriage, at least on Cardassia.

    Dukat, sensing a new calm in Dani, tried to take her hand, but she snatched it away, still distancing herself from him. He was stunned.

    “You still should have told me about all this from the start, Marac,” Dani said. “Instead, I had to read about it in the news.”

    “I apologize for that,” Dukat said. “I admit, it wasn’t the most tactful way to approach the situation. But, my darling, my love – you must believe me when I say that I’m doing this for you and Nate.”

    “I do believe you, Marac,” Dani said. “I just need some more time to think.”

    Dukat was at a loss. What else could there possibly be to think about? He’d explained everything to her, and she even seemed to agree. Why did she need more time? “Think? About what?”

    “Everything,” Dani said. “Everything.”

    xxx

    Dani looked through the living room window, watching Dukat with Nate in the front yard. Dukat was lying on his back on the lawn holding Nate in a standing position on his chest. The man had been on Cardassia IV for three days and hadn’t once mentioned his work or Rubula since that first night that he’d shown up. For the last few days, everything was like it had been before. It had been like nothing had changed between them.

    Maybe, Dani thought, things hadn’t changed so dramatically. If Dukat’s plan worked, everything really would turn out for the best. Besides, Dani was impressed with Dukat. The entire time he’d been on Four, he’d slept in a separate room, at Dani’s request and hadn’t once complained. He seemed to be content just being there with her and Nate. That counted for something.

    Dani found him in his room reading over something on the computer. The room was illuminated by only soft lamplight despite the darkness outside.

    “You should use more light,” Dani said, announcing her presence. She abandoned the doorway and stepped into the room. “You’re going to strain your eyes.”

    Dukat turned to her in his seat. “Cardassians see better in the dark than Terrans,” he said. “Eyestrain is rarely a concern of ours.” He watched Dani come closer to him. “I thought you’d gone to bed for the night?”

    Dani shook her head. “Not yet. I was missing something.”

    “What’s that?”

    “You.” Dani couldn’t believe she was doing this, but she was giving Dukat another chance. She walked up to him and sat down on his lap, draping her arms about his neck. He regarded her in a surprised manner, eyebrows raised.

    “Does this mean what I think it means?” Dukat asked her.

    “It means that I never could stay angry at you for very long,” Dani replied. “I love you, Marac, and I want to see this through.” She looked deep into his eyes. “I trust you.” She stroked his jaw ridges and pulled him close for an embrace.

    “Thank you, my love,” Dukat whispered to her before brushing his lips against hers. He stood, taking Dani with him in his arms, and walked out of the room, down the hall to the master bedroom. Gently, he laid her down on the bed. “You’re the one I should be married to,” he told her. Then he vowed, “I will be.”

    xxx

    “I’ll be back when I can,” Dukat told Dani the next morning. “I’ll try to make that a few days.” His bag was hanging on his shoulder, and he was at the door, ready to leave for Prime. He looked to Nate, perched in Dani’s arms. “I’ll see you in a little while, son.” He planted a kiss on the little boy’s mildly ridged forehead. Then he turned to the boy’s mother and kissed her soundly. “I love you.”

    “I love you, too,” Dani said.

    “I’ll see you soon.” He kissed her again quickly before turning and heading for the shuttle that was parked on the front lawn.

    Rowat, who stood away, removed from the scene, could hardly believe what he was witnessing, what he had just witnessed between Janeway and Dukat. After all he had done to her … Love really did make people do things they wouldn’t normally do, things that weren’t always rational. Why should Janeway settle when she and that little one of hers deserved so much more?

    xxx

    When Dukat walked through the doors of his house on Prime, he was unexpectedly greeted by Rubula. She rushed over to him, threw her arms around him, and kissed him squarely on the lips.

    Dukat reacted by gently pushing her away, an action which she didn’t seem to notice. She beamed up at him, even as he unfurled her arms from around his neck.

    “Welcome home, darling,” Rubula gushed.

    Dukat looked down at her with uncertainty. “Rubula – what are you doing here? Why aren’t you on Risa?”

    “I decided to come back early. It wasn’t much of a honeymoon without my husband.”

    “Why didn’t you take my suggestion, and invite some friends?” already past her and on his way to his office.

    “I did.” Rubula followed him. “They stayed for a couple of days before we all decided to come back home.”

    Now standing in his office, Dukat turned to her and nodded. “Oh. Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

    “You don’t want any dinner?” Rubula asked.

    “No, I’ll replicate something a little later.” He walked over to his desk and sat down.

    “Are you sure? Not even dessert?” Rubula asked suggestively.

    Dukat regarded Rubula’s attempt at innuendo with annoyance. “No. I’m fine.”

    Rubula attempted to mask her obvious disappointment. “Okay,” she said. “Well, I guess I’ll see you at bedtime, then.”

    “Actually,” Dukat interjected, “I’ve decided to sleep in one of the other bedrooms. I’ll be sleeping there from now on.”

    For the first time that night, Rubula visibly frowned. “Why?” she asked. “Is there something wrong with ours?”

    “No, there’s nothing wrong with your room. I just prefer to sleep alone.”

    Rubula nodded, albeit skeptically. She was sure that if that Starfleet woman were here, Dukat would have no problem sharing his bed. But Rubula refused to give up without a fight. She was determined to win over her husband and have what was rightfully hers.

  • Deliberation – Chapter 2. Third Time’s a Charm

    “Q?” Dani called aloud. Just a moment ago, she’d been in her family’s Indiana home. Now, she was on Cardassia Prime? What was Q up to?

    “What was that, my dear?” came a call from the bathroom.

    Dani turned in the direction of the bathroom, intending to walk over, but when she took her first step, she immediately realized that something was different, something about her body. She looked down at herself. She was pregnant. Really pregnant.

    Dukat appeared in the bathroom doorway, and Dani plopped down on the bed, speechless. “Darling, are you feeling well?” Dukat asked her, walking over in his robe. He sat down beside her. “Danielle?”

    Dani stared at him, tears building in her eyes. He was alive again. Could it really be? How? She reached up and stroked his face. “I’m fine,” she told him.

    “Are you sure?” he asked her. “You look like you’re about to burst into tears. What’s the matter?”

    “Nothing. I’m fine.”

    Dukat placed his hand on Dani’s swollen belly. “Is it time?” he asked.

    “No, no,” Dani assured him. “I’m fine. I promise.” She covered his hand with hers.

    “Maybe I should stay home today,” Dukat suggested. “I want to make sure you’re okay.”

    “Marac, I’m fine. I think I just got up a little too quickly. I was a little light-headed for a moment. I’m okay. Okay? Go to the office. I’ll be alright. Besides, if anything happens, Rowat will be here.”

    Dukat nodded. “You’re right, of course. I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay here.”

    “I will be,” Dani said. “And if I’m not, you have my permission to gloat and hold it over my head for as long as you’d like.”

    Dukat’s expression softened as the worry left his features. He kissed her and grinned. He stood and returned to the bathroom.

    This was Dani’s dream-come-true. Dukat was alive again, and she was pregnant again with their child. “I don’t know what you did, Q,” Dani whispered, “but thank you.”

    Xxx

    There were so many choices. Dani marveled at all the different flavors of ice cream that the replicator had to offer. She was having a difficult time deciding between Rocky Road and Pralines ‘n Creme. She’d just have to get both, she concluded.

    “Computer, one pint of Pralines’ n Creme and one pint of Rocky Road,” Dani requested from the replicator. “And two scoops of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.” She watched anxiously while her order materialized. When it was all there waiting on a nice tray for her, she could hardly wait to dig in. She picked up the tray and waddled back over to the bed. She activated her bedside lamp and picked up a spoon. She didn’t know which one to start with first.

    Beside her, Dukat moved. “What are you doing?” he asked sleepily.

    “I had a sudden craving for ice cream,” Dani said.

    “But it’s nearly four in the morning,” Dukat said, yawning. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at the tray Dani had replicated. “You’re going to eat all that?”

    “I couldn’t decide what I wanted,” Dani said a bit sheepishly.

    Dukat pushed himself to a sitting position. “What did you do? Order the entire menu?”

    “No … I forgot the sardines.”

    “Sardines?” Dukat’s brows furrowed as he searched his memory. “Aren’t those small fish?”

    “Yes! Will you get some from the replicator?”

    “I don’t think it’s programmed.” Dukat lay down, shifting back to a sleeping position.

    “But I really want some.”

    Dukat closed his eyes. He knew where this was going, and he didn’t like it. Why couldn’t she just be happy with the ice cream and the thousands of other choices programmed into the replicator? “Darling, isn’t there anything else that you would like?”

    “No. Right now I want sardines. Now.”

    Dukat had been through eight pregnancies before. He knew the futility of trying to talk through this rationally, because there was no rationale this early in the morning. She was going to bug him until she got the damned sardines, so he might as well get up and be on his way.

    “Okay, darling, I’ll go out and get them right now,” Dukat obliged and reluctantly forced his eyes open. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and placing them on the floor. Of all the days, she had to get a craving for sardines when both Melba and Rowat were away. If only this craving had come a few hours later, when Melba and Rowat would have returned. And she had to want something that no one could find on this side of the planet. Dukat would have to transport all the way to the other side of Prime to find these things.

    He stood and wandered over to the closet, found some pants and a shirt, and pulled them on. He hoped this place that he was going to was open. If not, he would have to order them to open just for him. He would have to see about having someone sell these sardines closer to home.

    Xxx

    The foot rub that Dukat had given Dani before he’d left for work had been pure heaven for her swollen ankles. When he’d returned with her sardines, her feet had begun to ache, so he’d sacrificed more sleep and masssaged them. His hands had worked magic, and she wished that he could have stayed home from the office today. She felt like she was about to pop.

    And then she started to. Dukat had been gone for a few hours already, and the lunch hour was approaching. Dani was on her way down stairs, headed for the dining room for lunch, when something inside her changed, and she knew what it was.

    She walked into the kitchen, holding her belly and breathing a sigh of relief when she saw that Rowat was there. That meant she wouldn’t have to go anywhere else to find him. “Rowat,” she said to him.

    Rowat was sitting at the table when Dani walked in. One look at her, and he knew immediately that something was wrong. “What is it?” he asked.

    “I just had a contraction,” Dani told him. “I think it’s time.”

    “Time?” Rowat repeated. “You mean time?” Dani nodded. Rowat sprang to his feet and was at Dani’s side immediately. He led her over to a chair and gently seated her. “Get us a transport,” Rowat directed Melba, who stood nearby.

    “Yes, sir,” she said, disappearing into another room to take care of the transport.

    Rowat turned his attention back to Dani. “How do you feel?” he asked her.

    “I’m okay right now,” she said.

    “Are you in any pain?” he asked.

    “A little. But it’ll probably get worse.”

    “We’ll have you to the hospital shortly,” Rowat informed her. “We would do a site-to-site transport, but they say it isn’t recommeded for pregnant women except in cases of extreme emergency.”

    Dani nodded. “Sounds like you’ve been studying.”

    “I wanted to be sure I’d be prepared in case something like this happened.”

    “Ohhh, I think – I think something’s happening. I’m having a contraction. Ay, ow, ow, OW!”

    “Here, take my hand,” Rowat offered. “Just breathe through it. Easy, now … there you go … breathe … that’s right. Good.”

    Melba reappeared. “The transport is ready, sir,” she informed Rowat.

    Rowat nodded. “Okay, Lieutenant, nice and slowly, we’re going to get up, walk outside, and get into the transport, okay?”

    Dani nodded. “Where’s Marac?” she asked. “Somebody call him.”

    “Don’t worry; we will. Right now, we have to see about getting you to the hospital. Okay, nice and easy. Put your weight on me to stand.”

    Xxx

    “Where’s Marac?” Dani asked again. She was in a delivery room at Capital Medical Facility, but the father of her child was no where to be seen. In his place was Rowat, who now stood beside her bed holding her hand. “Did something happen to him?” Dani continued, panic rising in her voice. “Why isn’t he here, yet? Hasn’t he commed?” Tears sprang to her eyes. Where was he? He wouldn’t miss this. Something must be wrong. Something must have happened.

    “Don’t get upset,” Rowat said, trying to calm Dani while silently cursing Dukat. He’d always had great respect for the man, but his not being here to witness something this important was making Rowat question his beliefs about the man he so admired.

    The grip on his hand tightened significantly, indicating to Rowat that Dani was experiencing another contraction. “You have got quite a grip there,” Rowat told Dani, offering an encouraging smile. “With strength like that, why do you need me around?” Dani seemed to smile, but it turned into a grimace as the contraction came full-on.

    “Doctor, isn’t there something more you can give her for the pain?” Rowat asked.

    Xxx

    Dukat’s body was at the meeting, but his mind was miles away. He’d gotten the call over an hour ago that Dani had gone into labor. He didn’t want to be anywhere else but in that delivery room with her, but this damned meeting was something at which his presence was required. He couldn’t get out of it even if he were having the baby himself.

    This waiting was unbearable. The doctor had informed them of the fact that Dani was probably going to have a difficult labor. He hated that she had to go through this without him.

    The beeping from his comm unit brought Dukat back from his thoughts. Everyone at the conference table looked his way. “Dukat here. What is it?”

    “Sir, there’s a message for you.”

    “Tell them I’ll get back to them,” Dukat said.

    “Sir, it’s urgent. It’s from the hospital.”

    Dukat’s heart rate skyrocketed. “I’ll take it in my office.” He stood and looked at his colleagues. “Escuse me while I take this.”

    When Dukat reached his office, he sat down behind his desk nervously. He’d had eight children. One would think he’d be used to this by now, but he wasn’t. He had felt the exact same way when each of his children had been born. He activated the monitor and Dr. Lurok’s face filled the screen.

    “Legate Dukat,” he began, “it’s my pleasure and honor to inform you that you are the father of a brand new, healthy son.”

    “A son … “

    “Should I tell the staff to make arrangements for your immediate arrival, sir?” Lurok asked.

    “Tell them I’ll be there later tonight.”

    The doctor hadn’t expected that response, but if that was what he wanted … “Yes, sir.”

    “Doctor, how is Danielle?” Dukat asked.

    “She’s fatigued, understandably,” Lurok began. “There was a time when I thought we would have to go in surgically, but fortunately it didn’t come to that. I expect her to make a full recovery.”

    Dukat nodded regretfully. “Will you tell her that I’ll be there as soon as I can get away from the office.”

    Lurok nodded. “I’ll tell her, sir.”

    Xxx

    Dani felt like hurling something across the room. She couldn’t believe he’d missed it. He’d missed it!

    When Dukat did finally walk into the room, it was after 2300 hours. It took all the self-control that Dani could muster not to launch her water glass at him.

    “Danielle?” Dukat said warily.

    Dani looked at him, daggers in her dark eyes. “So, you couldn’t get away,” she said through a clenched jaw.

    Dukat didn’t say anything at first. Then, “You have every right to feel the way you do,” he said.

    “You’re damned right, I do,” Dani seethed. “You missed the birth of our child. Our child, Marac. And why? Because you couldn’t get away from a meeting?”

    “Danielle, words can never express how sorry I am,” Dukat said.

    “This was one of the most important days of our lives. That meeting was more important than our son’s birth?”

    “You know me. You know that if there had been any way that I could have been here, I would have, but it’s a very sensitive, very complicated situation.”

    “I know, I know,” Danielle said, visibly calmer. “I really don’t want to hear it right now. I’m too tired …” She looked over at him and saw the genuine concern in his eyes. She had told herself that she wouldn’t give in and forgive him so easily. She cursed herself for being so weak. “Would you like to see your son?” She knew the answer. The question had only been a matter of formality. She pressed the comm panel on her nightstand. “Nurse, could you bring my son in, please?”

    Moments later, the room doors slid open, and a nurse entered with a wiggling little bundle in her arms. She walked over and carefully handed it to Dani. “Thank you,” Dani said, dismissing the nurse. Dani smiled down at the baby boy. “Hi there, little guy. How are you?” She turned her eyes on Dukat while she still spoke to the boy. “Are you ready to meet your daddy? He’s here – finally.”

    Dukat walked over to the bed. “Say hello to your daddy,” Dani said, gently handing the boy over to his father, who seemed completely at ease with a baby in his arms. A man with as many children as he should be.

    “Well, hello there,” Dukat said to the baby. “I’m your father.” Captivated, Dukat studied the child. There was no doubt about his Cardassian heritage, but his ridges and scales were less pronounced than a full-blooded Cardassian baby’s would be. And he stared up at Dukat with the most luminous brown eyes, courtesy of his mother. Dukat gently stroked the child’s forehead before looking over at Dani. “He’s amazing. He’s so beautiful.”

    “I know,” Dani said. She smiled, watching them. The baby reached up and grasped one of Dukat’s gray fingers with his tiny hand, eliciting a small chuckle from the father. “Look at that grip,” he boasted, gazing down at his son. “He’s so perfect.”

    A bright flash surrounded Dani, and her hospital room disappeared as it was replaced by the bedroom in Dukat’s house. She was holding her son and standing at his crib. Somehow, she knew that they’d just finished dinner and it was time for bed. Memories that she didn’t even know she had made their presence evident in her mind. She and Dukat had named the child Nathan Marac Janeway, and six months, she realized, had passed since his birth.

    Dani gently placed little Nate in his crib. He was sound asleep after a very active dinner. She stared down at him, just happy to have him asleep. He could be so fussy at times, a trait Dani figured must come from his father.

    Speaking of Dukat, Dani suspected that he should be home any minute, now. Dani glanced at the chronometer on the wall. 1930 hours. He should be walking in the door shortly. She looked over at Nate one last time to make sure he was okay before leaving the room. She yawned, walking into hers and Dukat’s bedroom. She hadn’t had the chance to read the day’s news reports, yet. Since Nate had arrived, she hadn’t had time to do much of anything. Reading the news had fallen to the bottom of the list, unfortunately. It was something that she’d tried to do almost religiously. She’d experienced what could happen if she didn’t keep up with the news on a regular basis. That could lead to … surprises, like when she’d read the news after weeks of neglecting to do so and discovered that Starfleet thought she was a hero for remaining in Cardassia, instead of the traitor she envisioned herself to be.

    Since Nate had come into her life, though, she estimated that she probably hadn’t read any news reports in about three weeks. Before that, it had been nearly two months. And even in those rare instances that she had gotten the opportunity to check up on current events, she hadn’t been able to go in depth and had simply skimmed the headlines.

    Dani sat down at the computer terminal and activated it. She accessed the news for the day, requesting that all the contents on the monitor appear in English. The first thing that appeared on the screen froze Dani. Initially, she thought it was a joke, but it couldn’t be; it was a legitimate news source. But her mind still couldn’t conceive what her eyes were seeing on the screen before her.

    ‘Legate Dukat to wed prominent socialite,’ was the headline. Dani’s watery eyes flittered down the screen as she read more of the article, which went on to discuss the engaged couple’s six month relationship and the plans for their impending wedding ceremony, which was to be ‘the social event of the year.’

    “Danielle?”

    Dani looked up from the screen at the sound of her name. Dukat was in the doorway. When he saw Dani’s face, the fresh tears that rimmed her eyes, he knew that she knew what he had come to tell her. He hadn’t wanted her to find out this way. It was so cruel. Why hadn’t he told her before now? But he couldn’t dwell on the possibilities that had passed him by. There was no time for that.

    When he walked into the room, Dani stood. She felt completely humiliated, and despite her best efforts not to cry, she did. For each step Dukat took toward her, she took one back, away from him. Finally, she was against the wall, but he wasn’t even halfway across the room. Dukat crossed the remaining difference between himself and the computer terminal. Viewing its display, he cursed. He looked over at Dani, who looked like she was about to break down. “Danielle, I didn’t intend for you to find out like this.”

    Dani couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Some small part of her had held onto the unlikely belief that perhaps it was a mistake. But here it was – the prime source, confirming the truth of it all.

    Dukat spoke again. “Danielle, I’m sorry,” he told her. “I’m so sorry.”

    “Six months?” Dani said, finally speaking.

    “Please, my love, allow me to explain,” Dukat said.

    “What is there to explain? You’re marrying another woman.”

    “My dear, it isn’t what you think,” Dukat insisted. “It isn’t what it appears to be.”

    “Then what is it?” Dani demanded. She was getting angry, now. She didn’t appreciate being patronized, and that is exactly what she felt Dukat was doing to her now. She walked over to the bed and sat.

    Dukat followed. “I don’t love her, Danielle,” he said. “I love you.”

    “Why are you marrying her?” Dani asked. As if answering her own question, she looked up at Dukat. “Is she pregnant?”

    “No,” Dukat replied, apparently appalled by the prospect. “This is a move that is purely political in nature. It’s for my career. That’s all. A marriage of convenience.”

    “It sure as hell isn’t convenient for me!” Dani sobbed.

    “Oh, Danielle – I never wanted to hurt you. Never. You know that.” His words head no impact. Dani sobbed even harder, which is why he didn’t want to tell her the rest of the news that wasn’t in the the reports. “My love, I’m afraid there’s more,” he said.

    Dani looked skyward. “Gods, what more could there be?” She looked at Dukat expectantly.

    “You and Nate have to leave,” Dukat revealed.

    “What?! No. No, I’ve – what?” Dani sputtered. “Why? I thought you said this was just a political move?”

    “It’s simply necessary, my dear,” Dukat began to explain. “It wouldn’t be right for appearances if you remained after Rubula moved in.”

    “Move in?” Dani didn’t understand. She didn’t understand how her world could be turned upside down in a matter of minutes when before it had been perfectly fine.

    “Danielle, I love you,” Dukat insisted again. “You and Nate. Except for my other children, you’re the only ones.”

    “How can I believe that?” Dani asked, on her feet again. “How can I believe anything you say anymore? You’re kicking me out!”

    “No. I’m merely sending you to the house on Four. I’ve had it remodeled. It should be more than adequate for you, Nate, Rowat, and Melba.”

    “You’re sending us away. Out of sight.”

    “Danielle, that isn’t the way it is.”

    “That’s what it looks like.”

    Dukat sighed. “It’s just better. It will be better for everyone.”

    “Even for your son?” Dani questioned.

    “Especially for him.”

  • Deliberation – Chapter 1. A Visit

    Story #7 in the “More Than a Lifetime” series

    Author’s Note: This story is the seventh in a series of stories that do not follow canon and should not be taken as such. The previous stories, in order, are: 1) Delta Wild, 2) Homecoming, 3) Graduation, 4) A Love Less Ordinary, 5) Return to Normal, and 6) Sweetest Sin. The events in these stories occur in an alternate universe in which Chakotay’s stint with the Maquis happened much earlier in his life. He is married to Kathryn Janeway, and they have a daughter. In this universe, Voyager did not combine with a crew from a Maquis ship, but instead reached the Delta Quadrant with a small loss of life and most of her crew in tact. The events of “First Contact” and “Insurrection” have already occurred in this timeline, but “Nemesis” has not. The Dominion War occurred, but with vastly different results. Many of the events of the final season of Deep Space Nine didn’t occur, which means the characters that died during the season are not dead in my stories. Please overlook any other inconsistencies or errors pertaining to the original Star Trek universe as the author’s ignorance.

    This story contains mature themes, language, and sexual situations.

    Disclaimer: All the characters, except Dani and other original characters who do not appear on screen or in print, belong to Paramount. I do not own them or claim to. This story was produced and is presented purely for the enjoyment of the readers. I don’t make any money from this, and this story may not be used for any such purpose. If you wish to use my story for purposes other than monetary gain, please do so, as long as my name and this disclaimer remain attached to it.

    1. A VISIT

    Life could be so simple. If she could just spend the rest of her days in the simplicity she was experiencing now, everything would be okay.

    But Dani Janeway was still a young woman with more days ahead than behind. Even though she wanted to, there was no way she could convince herself that she’d be happy just doing nothing. That was unreal.

    No. She had to make sure her time here on Earth, in Indiana, in her family’s house, was temporary. A vacation. Even if she didn’t end up going back to Starfleet.

    Dani’s first few years in Starfleet had definitely not gone as she’d expected. She’d known a life in the ‘Fleet would involve danger and risk, but she’d assumed that she would just experience her share, like everyone else, and go on with her life. But it seemed that things had been different for Janeway the moment she’d become an Ensign. She’d set foot on Deep Space Nine, and who was one of the first people she’d befriended? Tora Ziyal – Dukat’s daughter. What had happened next? She’d become romantically involved with Dukat.

    Things hadn’t gotten any better by the time she’d transferred to the Enterprise. She couldn’t just go to the Enterprise and lead a normal life. No … her first night, who shows up? Q – and his son. Throw in a couple of covert missions, the rescue of a Federation dignitary from a Cardassian prison, and a reunion with a not-so-dead Dukat, and it all equaled up to a very active beginning of a Starfleet career.

    Dani was tired. Burned out emotionally. She didn’t want to do it anymore. She’d experienced more pain in the last three years than she had in all of her life prior to that. And she didn’t have anything to show for it. Nothing at all.

    Was it worth it? Where would this kind of life lead for her? Where would she be in 20 years? She had no doubt that she would be able to move up the ranks and eventually take her own command one day, but what about her personal life? Family? Would she end up alone?

    Dani sighed. It was nearly 4:00 in the morning, and she was no closer to sleep than she had been at 10:00 the previous evening. Her eyes fluttered open when a flash of light appeared in her dark bedroom.

    “Cousin,” a shadowed voice said. “Did I wake you?”

    Instantly, Dani knew who was in her room. It was her ‘cousin’, Q.

    Dani sat up in her bed. “No, Q,” she said, replying to his question. “Actually, I hadn’t had the chance to doze off, yet.”

    Q stepped closer to the bed. “Computer – lights,” Dani called. She looked at Q. “You’ve changed your appearance.” His hair, which had been short and closely cropped the last time she’d seen him, was now longer and shaggier.

    “Yes,” Q concurred. “I’ve been experimenting with some new styles. What do you think?”

    Dani looked him over. For the first time since she’d first met him, he wasn’t wearing a Starfleet uniform. He was dressed simply, in a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt. She nodded. “It works for you.”

    “Better than a Starfleet uniform?” Q asked.

    Dani grinned. “Much.” Q smiled and nodded. “So, is something wrong, or is this just a visit?” Dani asked, getting out of bed. She padded over to the replicator and ordered a raktijino. “You want something?”

    Q shook his head. “No thanks. I never really got the hang of that whole eating thing.”

    Dani nodded, retrieving her drink from the replicator bay and walking over to a chair, in which she sat, curling her legs under her. Q sat on the bed. “So, is something wrong?” Dani repeated her question.

    “Actually, yes,” Q said.

    Dani took a sip from her mug. “What is it? I mean, I don’t know if I can help you or not, but I’ll do what I can.”

    “Well, first of all, the problem doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

    “Who does it involve, then?”

    “You.”

    Dani froze. “Me?” she asked, placing her mug on the table next to her. She searched Q’s features for any sign of playfulness, but she saw that he was lacking any manner of joviality. “You’re serious.”

    “Very,” Q confirmed. “Dani, I’ve been watching you for a while now.”

    “Q, I thought we agreed – no more spying!”

    “No, I wasn’t watching you like that. I mean that I was keeping an eye on you. Monitoring your situations, if you will.”

    “Since when?” Dani asked curiously.

    “Since you went to Cardassia,” Q revealed. “I was … worried.”

    “There wasn’t any need to be worried, Q,” Dani told him.

    “I know that now. But I was, nevertheless. And I still am. Only now, it’s for a different reason.”

    “What are you talking about?”

    “Dani, I know you’re thinking about leaving Starfleet.”

    “That’s right.”

    “You can’t”

    “What?”

    “You can’t leave Starfleet, Dani.”

    “Why the hell not?” Dani asked, her feathers obviously ruffled by Q’s statement. She didn’t like people telling her what she could and could not do, what decisions she had to make. Q knew that, she knew, so she didn’t understand why he was saying what he was saying.

    “Dani-” Q began, but thought better of it. “I can’t tell you.”

    Dani stood. “Look, I’m not cut out for this. I can’t deal with it anymore. Everything I do only ends up with these horrible results.”

    “That’s not true,” Q argued. “You helped me.”

    Dani shook her head dismissively. “You know you weren’t ever in any real danger, Q.”

    “I know, but you knew that, too,” Q reminded her. “The point is that you still risked your life to save me. I wouldn’t call that a horrible result.” Q stood, facing Dani. “Dani, you can’t leave Starfleet.”

    “Why?”

    “Because … ” Q was looking for the right words. He didn’t want to reveal specifics, but if he was going to convince Dani that her place was in Starfleet, he would have to give her something to latch onto. “Because you’re going to be part of something big. Something important.”

    Dani looked at him with questioning eyes. Q went on. “I can’t tell you what it is, but you’re going to be instrumental to the survival of humankind.”

    “What?” Dani asked, disbelieving. “Me?”

    “Just trust me, okay? I’m trying to do you a favor. You helped me; now I’m going to help you. You cannot leave Starfleet.”

    “Help me? By telling me I can’t leave Starfleet? That’s some big help, Q.”

    “No. I’m here to help you in another way.”

    Dani had turned her back on Q, but now she turned to face him again. Q continued. “I know you haven’t had it easy lately. I’ve come to realize, during my time among humans, that death is a difficult thing to deal with.”

    Dani saw where Q was going with this, and she made an attempt to cut it off. She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about this, Q.” She walked over to the window.

    Q nodded. “I realize that, but we have to because that’s where the problem is.” Q walked over and joined her at the window. “You need to get your head together.”

    Dani whirled around to Q. “Get my head together? I just watched the man I love die! He died in my arms!”

    “I know that. I saw the whole thing.” Dani calmed visibly, and Q spoke again. “You’re torturing yourself, Dani, dwelling on what might’ve been with Dukat. I know you loved him. But please believe me when I tell you that it wasn’t meant to be for you and him.”

    “Marac and I were so good together. The age, the species, the politics – none of that mattered. We were connected. How could we not be meant to be together?”

    “You really think your life would be better if Dukat were still alive?” Q asked.

    “How could it not be?” Dani replied. “We would probably be married by now. I’d be happy.”

    “I guess this is when the help session begins, then, Cousin,” Q said with snap of his fingers. In a flash of light, Dani’s bedroom in Indiana was replaced by the bedroom she’d shared with Dukat at his house.